Have you tried and tried to be the voice of reason and others sometimes just don’t get it?
Did you know that when you disagree with someone, parts of your brain literally shut off? Your pMFC (posterior medial frontal cortex) tells you about others’ convictions, passions, and confidence and it just stops working.
This means you dehumanize people close to you like friends, peers, and even family over pointless disagreements.
Explains quite a bit, doesn’t it? Well, no need to accept it, because as long as you have GRIT, you’ll be the real voice of reason in every pointless division and actually bring people together. Even better, people will actually listen to you. How would you like to be the one who finally helps your dad and your aunt realize they agree on more than they disagree at the next family gathering?
If you would like that, Lead Your Future Episode 9 is definitely worth your time. You’ll even get to hear an ex-Antifa member share his experiences and how he began to think differently.
Let’s take a look at how science and history teach us how to have GRIT.
Grace - “Be ready to be wrong”
Socrates teaches us that we can only be certain of our own mistakenness. Treat conversations like a dance instead of a war to be won.
If either of you is focused on winning, you’ll both lose. Be ready to be wrong, forgive yourself, and people will find that you’re right far more than they would otherwise.
Respect - “Apply the golden rule”
Social Psychology tells us that listening is a universal form of respect and that if you listen well, people will listen to you.
Always remember that if you express genuine respect for the other person and their perspective, they are far more likely to listen to you. Make sure you understand their viewpoint and can make a case for it in a way that they would agree.
Identity - “Separate idea from identity”
Your opinions aren’t who you are. Without knowing this, we severely limit our ability to learn and to avoid some pretty meaningless fights.
To learn the truth, we have to listen, understand, and empathize. Charles Munger, partner to Warren Buffett said, “I never allow myself to hold an opinion on anything that I don't know the other side's argument better than they do.”
Ties - “Find common ground”
The ultimate goal is to reach what psychologists refer to as “shared identity,” where you and your conversational partner are seeking truth together.
As long as you work your way here with grace and respect, all while recognizing that your ideas don’t define you, you should hear a lot less yelling the next time the family comes together for a barbecue and someone mentions “The Donald.” We all know how that normally turns out…